Date: Wed, 26 May 93 4:30:02 EDT Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny From: loren@pixar.com (Loren Carpenter) Subject: GNU info Copied verbatim from a sign at the San Diego Zoo... Brindled Wildebeest or Gnu Connochaetes taurinus taurinus An African folk story says the wildebeest was created last, from leftover parts of other animals. Today we'd say it looks like it was put together by a committee. When bothered, gnus even act like a committee. They seem to run in all directions at once, thrashing their heads and tails wildly. Range: Southern Tanzania to South Africa Habitat: Grasslands and open woodlands Wild Diet: Grass, leaves, herbs Zoo Diet: Alfalfa pellets, hay, leaves Status: Stable; this subspecies is rare in zoos ---------------------------------------- From: Don Chiasson Subject: Some gnu jokes To: jokes@DREA-XX.ARPA, gergely@DREA-XX.ARPA, broome@DREA-XX.ARPA cc: G.CHIASSON@DREA-XX.ARPA Message-ID: <12329394624.13.G.CHIASSON@DREA-XX.ARPA> Richard M. Stallman (RMS, widely known for creating EMACS) is writing a UNIX clone called GNU (which means Gnu's Not Unix--a recursive acronym). This seems to open the way to a whole gnu class of jokes. For example: Q: What do you call a person who hacks while wearing no clothes? A: A gnudist. Q: What do you call an eligible young hacker? A: Gnubile. Q: What is a hacker's favorite candy? A: Gnugat. (Though it contains little gnutrition.) Q: What do you call a computer filled with air? A: Gnumatic. Q: What do you call a novice hacker who keeps pestering you with foolish questions? A: A gnuisance. Q: What do you call a subtle, clever hack in the favorite language? A: A gnuanCe. Q: What do you use a supercomputer for? A: Gnumerical analysis. Q: What do you call a hacker who collects coins? A: A gnumismatist. Well, there are more, just too gnumerous to tell all at once. I think I'd better go before someone starts firing gnuclear weapons at me. Don From: patl@athena.mit.edu (Patrick J. LoPresti) Message-ID: <1991Jul11.031731.9260@athena.mit.edu> Sender: news@athena.mit.edu (News system) Subject: The True Path (long) Date: 11 Jul 91 03:17:31 GMT Path: ai-lab!mintaka!olivea!samsung!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!think.com!snorkelwacker.mit.edu!bloom-picayune.mit.edu!athena.mit.edu!patl Newsgroups: alt.religion.emacs,alt.slack Organization: Massachusetts Institute of Technology Lines: 95 Xref: ai-lab alt.religion.emacs:244 alt.slack:1935 When I log into my Xenix system with my 110 baud teletype, both vi *and* Emacs are just too damn slow. They print useless messages like, 'C-h for help' and '"foo" File is read only'. So I use the editor that doesn't waste my VALUABLE time. Ed, man! !man ed ED(1) UNIX Programmer's Manual ED(1) NAME ed - text editor SYNOPSIS ed [ - ] [ -x ] [ name ] DESCRIPTION Ed is the standard text editor. - --- Computer Scientists love ed, not just because it comes first alphabetically, but because it's the standard. Everyone else loves ed because it's ED! "Ed is the standard text editor." And ed doesn't waste space on my Timex Sinclair. Just look: - -rwxr-xr-x 1 root 24 Oct 29 1929 /bin/ed - -rwxr-xr-t 4 root 1310720 Jan 1 1970 /usr/ucb/vi - -rwxr-xr-x 1 root 5.89824e37 Oct 22 1990 /usr/bin/emacs Of course, on the system *I* administrate, vi is symlinked to ed. Emacs has been replaced by a shell script which 1) Generates a syslog message at level LOG_EMERG; 2) reduces the user's disk quota by 100K; and 3) RUNS ED!!!!!! "Ed is the standard text editor." Let's look at a typical novice's session with the mighty ed: golem> ed ? help ? ? ? quit ? exit ? bye ? hello? ? eat flaming death ? ^C ? ^C ? ^D ? - --- Note the consistent user interface and error reportage. Ed is generous enough to flag errors, yet prudent enough not to overwhelm the novice with verbosity. "Ed is the standard text editor." Ed, the greatest WYGIWYG editor of all. ED IS THE TRUE PATH TO NIRVANA! ED HAS BEEN THE CHOICE OF EDUCATED AND IGNORANT ALIKE FOR CENTURIES! ED WILL NOT CORRUPT YOUR PRECIOUS BODILY FLUIDS!! ED IS THE STANDARD TEXT EDITOR! ED MAKES THE SUN SHINE AND THE BIRDS SING AND THE GRASS GREEN!! When I use an editor, I don't want eight extra KILOBYTES of worthless help screens and cursor positioning code! I just want an EDitor!! Not a "viitor". Not a "emacsitor". Those aren't even WORDS!!!! ED! ED! ED IS THE STANDARD!!! TEXT EDITOR. When IBM, in its ever-present omnipotence, needed to base their "edlin" on a UNIX standard, did they mimic vi? No. Emacs? Surely you jest. They chose the most karmic editor of all. The standard. Ed is for those who can *remember* what they are working on. If you are an idiot, you should use Emacs. If you are an Emacs, you should not be vi. If you use ED, you are on THE PATH TO REDEMPTION. THE SO-CALLED "VISUAL" EDITORS HAVE BEEN PLACED HERE BY ED TO TEMPT THE FAITHLESS. DO NOT GIVE IN!!! THE MIGHTY ED HAS SPOKEN!!! ? From: The Unknown User Subject: EMACS -- What does it mean? To: mit-prep!info-gnu-emacs@TOPAZ.RUTGERS.EDU EMACS belongs in : Editor too big! Escape-Meta-Alt-Control-Shift